How to not be exclusive in dating

“Dating is always fun, but eventually it gets old when you don't take anyone seriously, or no one is taking you seriously,” Elle says.“You start to see that in the end you really are still alone.”I recently felt the pang of loneliness as I sat post-coital on the edge of my bed with “The Best” and told him that I’ve realized maybe having sex with someone who wouldn’t come visit me in the hospital (where I was briefly on New Year’s Eve day for some lady problems, fun!They’re all in the notes section of my phone: the 26-year-old graphic designer from Baltimore. A couple of actor/bartenders who live within a five-mile radius of my place in Central Los Angeles.

“I dated someone for nine months that came out of a rotation.I was fresh out of a relationship, breakup wounds still searing.But, rather than stay single, I figured out what the hell I wanted from my next long-term partner, dove straight into dating, and found myself in the middle of a rotation — that is, seeing a multitude of men, all noncommittally.“I feel like I would stop immediately if I met someone I really liked.” Gretchen, a former multi-dater who is now in a committed, long-term relationship, says: “Having a rotation worked for me, and I had fun.It got kind of difficult with all of the drama, though.”Cassie*, a 30-year-old designer living in Brooklyn, got out of her rotation only after one date asked her to be monogamous with him. “But, he always brought me on amazing experiences, and it’s hard not to fall for someone when each experience is so fun.”For some women, having a rotation with the hopes of ultimately meeting a long-term partner can also be unfulfilling.

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  1. “I’m more likely to think my relationship is doomed the more I believe my partner needs that thing,” explains Matthew Lapierre, assistant professor in the department of communication at the University of Arizona, who authored the study with his former undergraduate student Meleah Lewis.

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